Those that trust in the Lord shall not be disappointed

I will be sharing with you my journey on how I had to learn to trust on the Lord even in the midst.

Just a little backstory on myself, my husband and I have a 5-month-old son and 4 year old daughter. But before I conceived our son I suffered a miscarriage. If I be quite honest miscarriage in general has never affected me, it was something that was never really talked about and even in a sense, it was a more taboo area.  Well that’s until it knocked on my door.

Romans 8:28 states that “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”. I can recall like it was yesterday when I found out we were expecting again. We were so excited to be giving Bella a new sibling. I had gone ahead and made my 1st prenatal appt. For anyone that knows me knows I’m a planner at heart. We were planning on how to tell our parents and all the other normal things you do when you’re about to have a new child. Mind you I have had a child before so in sense I knew what to expect early on.

Hebrews 11:1 says Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For anyone who has ever been pregnant before when you get that positive test, in your mind you are having faith that what you’re carrying is going to be viable, grow like it’s suppose to and its going to have a heartbeat. That’s what you’re banking on. But what happens when it doesn’t go as planned?

As a woman you know when things are off within your body, and not to be graphic but there were signs that I was noticing that things weren’t right. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. I called my doctors office and let them know what was going on and they let me know oh that’s normal 1st trimester things. Just be on the lookout and call us back if things got worse.  So I just went about my day and went to work and did the normal because this entire thing was taking me by a big surprise. The next day things were getting worse and we decided to go the ER. They indeed confirmed that I was pregnant but numbers were low and that’s to be expected in early weeks. Came back the next day to do an ultrasound and in the midst of that the tech informed me that she couldn’t tell anything and that my doctor will call me with results. For me that was the most nerve-racking time just waiting.

Without a shadow of a doubt I know that the Lord places people in your life for a reason.  The director at my former job was in fact a praying woman. Even with her being a different race than myself, she knew the power of prayer. In my eyes I had just received the worse news of my life and had to go let her know that I needed to get off work early the next day to go confirm the results of what had just been stated to me. Through all of this I kept saying to myself “Your will LORD, your will.” Even the midst of my hurt and disappointment, your will. Even though I did know why this was happening, your will Lord.  

Psalms 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. At that moment I had no other choice, I couldn’t plan my way out of this.  Days had passed and I would just cry. Cry on my way to work, cry alone in my bathroom. Cry when I talked to my husband about it, just cry. But as the title says “Those that trust in the Lord shall not be disappointed”

To my amazement we were expecting again, the 1st appt was followed with news that I had a subchorionic hematoma in which could lead to another miscarriage. My heart sank! To me that doctor was so nonchalant and had no type of empathy towards the situation. Yet again I was in a place where I had to trust and lean not onto my own understanding. Hear goes the scripture again Psalms 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. The entire 1st trimester I was so afraid of the unknown and what could happen but I kept saying “Your will Lord, Not mine”. I also knew that he knew the desires of my heart and Psalms 37:4 states Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 

So, if you are in a situation where you don’t see a light at the end, yet trust him. Even when it seems like there is no way out, dare to believe the unbelief.  Speak those things as if they were. Put up scriptures up around you so even when you don’t feel like you’re victorious, you have the word to remind you of those things. I knew the word had been spoken over my womb even before it had manifested. But I had to trust him even in the midst of my trail, even in the midst of my heartache, even in the midst of my grief. I had to trust that his will would be done. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t upset, angry or sad but even in that the Lord had an assignment for my grief. The Lord had to show me that he is who he said he is and his word will not come back void. Yet the Lord prove to me just that. That subchorionic hematoma that I had, did in fact dissolve and I later gave birth to our son.

So, if you don’t get anything else from this, just know that Those that trust in the Lord shall not be disappointed!

xoxo Rajanee’

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