It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

I recently had an experience to where I thought I was mentally okay with a decision I had to make but come to find out I wasn’t. Sometimes in life we don’t give ourselves the capacity to fully feel a situation. I personally thought that I was okay with delaying it but once I actually started to physically speak on it, those feelings I didn’t realize where there came to surface.

What I had to come to understand was that even though I didn’t say my emotions towards the situation out loud, they were still in fact there.  Speaking for myself of being a wife and mother I frequently get wrapped up in my everyday life that I regularly don’t give myself time in some aspects. If I be truly transparent, I often try to tackle that never ending to- do list. Most times when I’m completing one task, my brain is already thinking about the next thing that needs to be done. I know its probably not healthy, but I’m pretty sure someone can relate.

Some great advice I received in which I’m truly grateful for was from my mother. In nutshell she basically told me to give myself time to mourn the situation and talk to God concerning my disappointment. Her advice opened my eyes to a bigger revelation. It is truly okay to not be okay. I have to give myself time to truly feel the situation. In those feelings were true disappointment, sadness and a lot of tears. Even through all of this I know that God’s plan for my life is far greater than what I can even possibly imagine. Also realizing that everything happens for a reason. This is yet another situation where I’m learning to fully trust and lean not to my own understanding.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” Proverbs 3:5 KJV

All in all, I hope that your takeaway from this is that it is perfectly okay with allowing yourself to truly FEEL in situations. Just because you try to consume yourself in everyday life doesn’t make those feelings go away. Be honest with yourself and be honest with God because he wants to hear you and is actually waiting in expectation for you. Life will not always be easy but our father in heaven is right there with us. Be encouraged my brothers and sisters and let the peace of God be with you.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who [have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28 KJV

“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” Psalm 55:22. NIV

Xoxo Rajanee’

Just Hold On!

Often times we get to a place in our life were we feel like we keep hitting a brick wall. Have you ever been there before? I know for myself; I have felt like that on multiple occasions. I even found myself wondering why I have to go through this and go through that, like why can’t life just be easy? Then I came to the realization of why not me? What makes me so special that I can’t go through trials and tribulations.  

Everything that we go through is all for the glory of God.  It too has a purpose in the Kingdom of God. It is for a reason; every negative is not a negative!

Romans 5: 3-5 says “3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (NIV)

This scripture makes me think of the word long suffering. According to Merriam Webster long-suffering means patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship. Everything thing we go through is not always just about us. It can be a twofold reasoning and one of those can be so that you can encourage others on their journey. Storms and stones can come in many forms. When things get hard do we just throw in the towel? How about when someone upsets you on your job, do you just quit? Probably not because you need that paycheck. Or how about when someone is disrespecting you once again? Do you retaliate and fight fire with fire? I would hope not. So even in that know that what you’re going through is for your greater good and do not give up or give in. Please know that he didn’t bring you this far to leave you. Help is on the way!

6 Scriptures to Encourage you to Keep Going!

Philippians 4:6-7 “6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. (NIV)

Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”. (NIV)

Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall, I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid ?” (NIV)

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”. (NIV)

John 16:32-33 32 “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. 33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (NIV)

Deuteronomy 20:4 “For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” (NIV)

xoxo Rajanee’

Delay is not denial…trust the process!

Have you ever been in a place where you’re just waiting?

 Waiting for your situation to change?

Waiting for the word of God to come to pass?

Just like many of us, I too have been in that exact place. If I could visually put an image to this statement, I picture myself in a waiting room watching the time go by.  If we’re honest with ourselves we have been in seasons of our lives that we didn’t necessarily handle with grace. Did we get a better understanding of why we went through it; did we grow through it?

Let’s take a look in the story of Abraham and Sarah found in the book of Genesis chapter 17. The Lord had in fact appeared before Abraham and spoke to him concerning the promises that he had for him. Mind you Abraham was already 99 years old, and for us naturally speaking that is really old but for the Lord age doesn’t mean anything.

Genesis 17 AMP says;

6 I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make nations of you, and [c]kings will come from you. 7 I will establish My covenant between Me and you and your descendants after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your descendants after you. 8 I will give to you and to your descendants after you the land in which you are a stranger [moving from place to place], all the land of Canaan, as an everlasting possession [of property]; and I will be their God.”

9 Further, God said to Abraham, “As for you [your part of the agreement], you shall keep and faithfully obey [the terms of] My covenant, you and your descendants after you throughout their generations.

This whole passage is a mouthful to take in but the Lord wasn’t even done speaking to him. Then the Lord proceeded to say;

15 Then God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai (my princess), but her name will be Sarah ([d]Princess). 16 I will bless her, and indeed I will also give you a son by her. Yes, I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.” 17 Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said in his heart, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? And shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?” 18 And Abraham said to God, “Oh, that Ishmael [my firstborn] might live before You!” 19 But God said, “No, Sarah your wife shall bear you a son indeed, and you shall name him Isaac (laughter); and I will establish My covenant with him for an everlasting covenant and with his descendants after him.

I personally can’t speak for anyone else but I can’t even fathom giving birth to a child at the age of 90 years old, but when the Lord speaks just know he’s not a liar and his words will come to pass. If you go on to read chapter 18, it speaks more about it and even in that Abraham was yet trusting on the Lord even though time passing by. The Lord then reappeared and reassured them of those same words that he spoke before.

10 He said, “I will surely return to you at this [e]time next year; and behold, Sarah your wife will have a son.” And Sarah was listening at the tent door, which was behind him. 11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old, well advanced in years; she was past [the age of] childbearing. 12 So Sarah laughed to herself [when she heard the Lord’s words], saying, “After I have become old, shall I have pleasure and delight, my lord (husband) being also old?” 13 And the Lord asked Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh [to herself], saying, ‘Shall I really give birth [to a child] when I am so old?’ 14 Is anything too difficult or too wonderful for the [f]Lord? At the appointed time, when the season [for her delivery] comes, I will return to you and Sarah will have a son.”

So, if you’re a season of your life where you’re just waiting for things to change, just know that delay is not denial. We have to make it up in our mind that we will be content in our current situation. We’re not going to go around mummering and complaining about all the things that are wrong. Get to place where are grateful for what we do have because it could be much worse. Trust the process!

xoxo Rajanee’

Strength to Forgive

Turn Negative Emotions into Your Greatest Source of Strength - Mindful

I might not be able to speak on anyone else’s experience but I know for myself, strength and forgiveness has not always gone hand and hand. To have strength is one thing but to add forgiveness into the mix can be a hard pill to swallow. I personally had to come to the realization that forgiveness is in fact not for the other person but for my own personal healing. This is how year 28 started out for me.

Like countless other little boys and girls, I was raised by strong single mother. It wasn’t that I didn’t know who my father was, he just wasn’t in the picture much. Coming from a single parent household, it had its highs and lows and sometimes those lows outweighed the highs. As a child I learned how to adapt and it became my normal. As I grew up and became a parent of my own children, I just couldn’t comprehend how someone could not be present in their children’s lives. I personally couldn’t imagine not being there for my children regardless if I was with my husband or not.

I can remember vividly crying on my mother’s lap wondering where my father was and why he failed to show up yet again. As a child I often wondered was it something that I did and even questioned if he truly loved me. Someone can tell you that they love you but if it’s not backed up with actions then those words mean nothing. When a young girl grows up without her father it leaves holes in her heart. But when that man is not there, she fills those holes with different things. Rather we like to realize it or not a father daughter relationship is vital, and as the old saying goes “A father is a daughter’s 1st love”. This is where she should learn how to be treated by a man and it helps shape her self-image of who she truly is.

If we sit back and reflect it’s probably some things in life that we might have done and regret but when we are truly ready, we have to come to the realization of why we did what we did. What hole in my heart was I trying to fill? What was my role in the situation? This is when forgiveness comes in and cleans up shop.

  1. Ask the Lord to assist you. Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me
  2. Give yourself some time. This is not an overnight process so give self some grace through your healing journey. 2 Cor. 12:9 And He said unto me, “My grace is sufficient for thee, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Most gladly therefore will I glory rather in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
  3. Forgive the other person or persons. In most cases we have to forgive the other person even if we never get an apology. Forgiveness is not for them, it’s for ourself. Col 3:13 Forbearing one another and forgiving one another if any man have a quarrel against another: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

All in all, I’m just so grateful that the Lord has given me the strength and capacity to start my healing journey in year 28. So, if you’re in a place where you need to forgive, just know that you’re not alone. Grab ahold to our fathers’ hand and let him help you.

“Fear thou not: for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee: yea, I will help thee: yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” Isaiah 41:10

Xoxo Rajanee’

Those that trust in the Lord shall not be disappointed

The Surprising Benefits of Holding Hands | by Tonja Vallin | The Startup |  Medium

I will be sharing with you my journey on how I had to learn to trust on the Lord even in the midst.

Just a little backstory on myself, my husband and I have a 5-month-old son and 4 year old daughter. But before I conceived our son I suffered a miscarriage. If I be quite honest miscarriage in general has never affected me, it was something that was never really talked about and even in a sense, it was a more taboo area.  Well that’s until it knocked on my door.

Romans 8:28 states that “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”. I can recall like it was yesterday when I found out we were expecting again. We were so excited to be giving Bella a new sibling. I had gone ahead and made my 1st prenatal appt. For anyone that knows me knows I’m a planner at heart. We were planning on how to tell our parents and all the other normal things you do when you’re about to have a new child. Mind you I have had a child before so in sense I knew what to expect early on.

Hebrews 11:1 says Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For anyone who has ever been pregnant before when you get that positive test, in your mind you are having faith that what you’re carrying is going to be viable, grow like it’s suppose to and its going to have a heartbeat. That’s what you’re banking on. But what happens when it doesn’t go as planned?

As a woman you know when things are off within your body, and not to be graphic but there were signs that I was noticing that things weren’t right. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. I called my doctors office and let them know what was going on and they let me know oh that’s normal 1st trimester things. Just be on the lookout and call us back if things got worse.  So I just went about my day and went to work and did the normal because this entire thing was taking me by a big surprise. The next day things were getting worse and we decided to go the ER. They indeed confirmed that I was pregnant but numbers were low and that’s to be expected in early weeks. Came back the next day to do an ultrasound and in the midst of that the tech informed me that she couldn’t tell anything and that my doctor will call me with results. For me that was the most nerve-racking time just waiting.

Without a shadow of a doubt I know that the Lord places people in your life for a reason.  The director at my former job was in fact a praying woman. Even with her being a different race than myself, she knew the power of prayer. In my eyes I had just received the worse news of my life and had to go let her know that I needed to get off work early the next day to go confirm the results of what had just been stated to me. Through all of this I kept saying to myself “Your will LORD, your will.” Even the midst of my hurt and disappointment, your will. Even though I did know why this was happening, your will Lord.  

Psalms 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. At that moment I had no other choice, I couldn’t plan my way out of this.  Days had passed and I would just cry. Cry on my way to work, cry alone in my bathroom. Cry when I talked to my husband about it, just cry. But as the title says “Those that trust in the Lord shall not be disappointed”

To my amazement we were expecting again, the 1st appt was followed with news that I had a subchorionic hematoma in which could lead to another miscarriage. My heart sank! To me that doctor was so nonchalant and had no type of empathy towards the situation. Yet again I was in a place where I had to trust and lean not onto my own understanding. Hear goes the scripture again Psalms 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. The entire 1st trimester I was so afraid of the unknown and what could happen but I kept saying “Your will Lord, Not mine”. I also knew that he knew the desires of my heart and Psalms 37:4 states Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 

So, if you are in a situation where you don’t see a light at the end, yet trust him. Even when it seems like there is no way out, dare to believe the unbelief.  Speak those things as if they were. Put up scriptures up around you so even when you don’t feel like you’re victorious, you have the word to remind you of those things. I knew the word had been spoken over my womb even before it had manifested. But I had to trust him even in the midst of my trail, even in the midst of my heartache, even in the midst of my grief. I had to trust that his will would be done. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t upset, angry or sad but even in that the Lord had an assignment for my grief. The Lord had to show me that he is who he said he is and his word will not come back void. Yet the Lord prove to me just that. That subchorionic hematoma that I had, did in fact dissolve and I later gave birth to our son.

So, if you don’t get anything else from this, just know that Those that trust in the Lord shall not be disappointed!

xoxo Rajanee’